Excerpts | reflections | year one

OCTOBER 2017
Lesson "Movie quotes to show verbs"
In an effort to teach action verbs to my students,  I put up movie quotes on the screen and asked students to find the verb.  I taught this by pointing at each individual word and asking if they could do the word.  The first quote was "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?"
Me: Can you 'Have'
Students: Yes.
Me: can you 'you'
Students: No.
We got all the way to 'moon' before I realized the error in my lesson.  I laughed until tears streamed down my face.
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JANUARY 2018
I was asked today by a student why I was suddenly mean. I had neither yelled not been angry.  But the student's question was honest not accusing. I asked for clarification and she indicated that they had had to be quiet more than usual in my class.  I hadn't noticed. --oops!
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MARCH

Poetry slam was awesome,  but next year,  I'm bringing some Frost for when the kids run out of poetry they want to share while the judges make choices.  That way I don't end up becoming the entertainment.  But that smile from that one special student whenever I sing and dance was worth the utter embarrassment of singing and dancing in front of my peers. Also,  spend more time practicing delivery of poems with students.
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Overall takeaway,  laugh as often as possible. It makes everything else worth it.

I Get It | A reflection on race and priveledge

Let me start by saying, I have always thought of myself as an empathetic person. I've always considered myself open-minded and caring. I still believe those things to be true, but I believe it is a work in progress. I've been thinking about race a lot lately. There have been a few instances lately where I have had to reflect and think on this more.

After reading many writings about black people and people of middle eastern or Indian descent being discriminated upon, I felt that I had a really clear understanding of what these people went through on a daily basis. I thought I got it. Did I mention when I was listing all of my positive qualities that I am naive of my own privilege?

My daughter and I were driving down the road. Lately, she had been watching videos of people being shot by police on the internet and was talking about it pretty frequently. She was horrified. I was horrified. I am teaching her how to drive and she passed a police officer. Suddenly her knuckles turned white and her face turned red. She sighed heavily when the police officer didn't follow us.

"Why are you so afraid?"

She looked at me, her eyes welled up with emotion, "I don't want to get shot."

My baby girl was in fear and not just a normal level of fear. We were almost home, or I would have needed to take over driving. It was evident she was about to have an anxiety attack.

"Why would you get shot? You're just driving. Even if you were speeding you wouldn't get shot." I tried to comfort her, struggling for the right words.

"It happens all the time, Mom." She rolled her eyes at me.

"All the time?" I asked, prodding-trying to get her to say it instead, so I wouldn't have to.

"All the time." She replied.

"You aren't going to get shot." She looked at me, giving me the side-eye. "You aren't going to get shot because you're white." I began to explain to her about white privilege as we sat, parked in the driveway.

A few days later, the topic came up again. My neighbor's son went to dinner with us. He's a sweet 17 year old kid with a quirky sense of humor and a good heart. His parents have done a fantastic job raising him to be respectful and have done so without squelching his spirit. His mother is my best friend. His dad is from Pakistan.

I don't remember how the conversation started. We were talking about race and white privilege. He said, "You don't get it."

"What do you mean?" I asked prompting him to expand because I really want to get it.

"If you," He nodded at my daughter, "Screamed 'rape' right now, everyone in this room would immediately think I did it." My daughter gave him an incredulous look. His eyes darkened as he continued, "Even if I was standing over there by the bathroom (the furthest place from where we were sitting), I would be the prime suspect."

In that moment, in that conversation, I GOT IT. I got that I am never going to get it. Here is this incredibly smart kiddo that I have known since he was 9 years old talking about how other people view him. I had heard the stories. Other kids bullying him and calling him names. I had seen his wounds after he "fell" down the stairs at school. I cried as his mother relayed incident after incident. But here in this safe space listening to him and watching the emotion contort his face, I realized I cannot get it.

I'm glad that I don't get it. I'm not saying that I'm happy I'm white (there are much prettier races out there), but I am happy that I can tell my kid she won't get shot by the police. I just wish all mothers could say the same thing to their kid.

Listening to the news today about white supremacists marching disgusted me. I do not understand people who really think they are better than another person because of the pigment in their skin. It's gross. It's nasty and it is a reality that has seeped up from wherever it has been hiding like pus beneath a pimple. Now that this zit has come to a head, let's POP that nasty thing and perhaps we can ease the pain. Then lets get some medication on it so the acne doesn't spread further.

For now, I'm going to keep reading and educating myself. I'm going to educate my children so they see the beauty in every culture, and I'm going to teach my students to value the culture of others. This is how I'm going to start helping to make a change. Someday, somehow, there will be equity. How will you make a change?

Reflection 3 | A letter I wish I read my first day of student teaching.

Dear Rene,

This is a gentle reminder that you can do this. Not only can you, but you will. You are going to do amazing things. You are going to touch lives, complete student teaching, pass your exams, and become a real- life teacher. You are going to implement things you have learned. You are also going to reject things that you have learned. That is all okay. Use this time to become the best you that you can.

In this time, you will feel some pain.

• That one kid who is already rolling her eyes at you. Don't worry, you will win her over. She will appreciate you. She'll deny it, but she will. Eventually, those eye rolls will be accompanied by a smile. And let's be honest, what sane person wouldn't roll their eyes at you?
• The student who won't write for you, just wait and keep trying. Eventually, he lets you help him. He might even read a little. 
• Your empathetic spirit will be ripped to pieces when one student tells you that she can't remember the names of the high schools she has attended while writing her resume. She will expand and tell you a harrowing tale of the foster system. You will cry. Right there - where she can see you. Then you will blink. That moment is when you will truly understand why you are called to be a teacher.

You will experience joy.

• An exchange student will write you a thank you card for helping him with English and teaching him correct verb tenses. He will be one of the most joyous souls and you will find peace in his smile. Make sure he finds peace in yours as well.
• A student will applaud your poetry unit, and others will join. This is not what you did it for but rejoice in that moment. It's okay to be proud of yourself. 
• You will inspire students. You will do it without meaning to just by being you. One student will tell you. It won't be awkward. She will just tell you that you inspired her to be confident in interviews. It means a lot to her. 

On three separate occasions, you will have students express to you that you have made a difference. Some teachers go years without that appreciation and frankly we probably will too. Appreciate them back. Keep moving forward.

 Don't change, continue to grow yourself and continue to learn; but stay true to yourself. Your teaching style is different because as you and I are both painfully aware, you are different. Don't try to meet other teachers' styles. When you do try to be someone else, it will fail every time. You will learn through each failure, so don't be afraid to mess up. Something very personal and very bad is going to happen. Remember to smile. For some of your students, you are the only adult that will ever smile at them. Don't be afraid of the terminology of teaching. Everyone really is saying the same stuff and using different words. A handout is a worksheet and they are both a graphic organizer. No one expects you not to see the similarities. The difference is in how they are presented. You would never expect anyone to learn from just a piece of paper anyhow.

Don't be afraid of the formulas. Some kids really need the extra help. Learn avid strategies. Teach kids to love writing by showing them your own love for it. Show them your flaws. Be you.

O and don't be scared of the election. Everything is still in one piece in April. And you get a job. Don't stress that either.

You rock,
Rene

I am a snowflake. | Go ahead and take offense!

I am a snowflake. | Go ahead and take offense!

Recently on a public forum, I reminded a user that the term he used was offensive. The term is not in my vocabulary. In my house, we call it the "R" word. His response was, "Well, I'm disabled and it doesn't offend me because I'm no snowflake."

When did people start thinking that it is weak to admit offense? Being an adult and admitting that something makes you hurt or annoyed is the beginning of communication. To shut someone down and call them names as a response is not conducive to grown up discourse.

I'm offended. I'm offended that people use antiquated words that were meant to label people as "less." I'm offended that people have stopped using "please" and "thank you." I'm offended that women are often dismissed as crazy for showing their feelings and I'm offended that men are discounted as women for having emotions that testosterone hasn't magically cured. I'm offended that people are no longer taught to talk about their feelings. I'm offended that students are not taught how to manage their emotions effectively.

So yeah, I'm offended. I'm sorry if that is offensive.

Okay, so now that the vent is over help me problem solve. In what ways can we help our students  write through their emotions without diminishing their pain? Also, how can we teach them to be accountable for the words they say rather than becoming defensive? What will empathy look like in your classroom?

Pi Day | The Ides of March | St. Patrick's day | What a week!

The week before spring break was another chapter in this chaotic race to commencement.

 My MT is amazing and even she was exhausted. Every teacher walked around with a face that said either, "I'm smiling through it" or "Geez, is it Friday yet?" and that was just on Monday. My sophomores were doing their final paper which was a 12 paragraph essay comparing (through analyses we had already completed) Angelou's "The Lesson" and Robert Frost's "Design." It was a very in depth essay that we started on Thursday. To be honest, I should have scheduled that to be finished on Friday the week before. With spring in the air, the kids were having a hard time focusing on the writing. They were behaving a little spacey which for this group is pretty rare.

Tuesday was pie day and some of the kids were excited about that, but on Wednesday when I mentioned the Ides of March, everyone looked at me like I was bonkers. I expected that though, so I explained the significance to them. When I explained that the Ides of March was a bad omen because of Julius Ceasar's soothsayer, one of my students let me know it was his birthday... oops.

The closing of the week - though it meant that spring break was finally upon us, it also meant the end of my poetry unit. This was my first 6 week unit that I designed and taught all on my own. At the end of class, I explained to my students that this was the first unit I had designed on my own and how much I appreciated their help. They gave me a standing ovation. Can you believe it? A standing ovation for poetry. To say I was excited would have been an understatement. It melted my heart, and I had to go all professional not to tear up. Now, thinking back on it, I am tearing up. In the moment, I of course curtsied said thank you and got us back on track. I asked the students to rank how they liked the creative writing lessons we did. I was happy to see that it was pretty split. Some students enjoyed the imitation poems, others the sonnets, some liked doing the two sided poems and a few liked the how to poems. It showed me that with the creative writing lessons, some liked everything and ranked those the highest. Everyone participated in ranking the poems and I let them know how much I appreciated their feedback.

All in all, the week ended on a good note. Now I'm hoping and praying to pass the KTPT, so I can get over the next hurdle. This race has yet to be won!

Refrigerator boxes and things | Adding comedy to learning.

My unit that I'm currently teaching is on poetry. According to Understanding Difficulty, what makes learning poetry so difficult is the attitude and preconceptions we have about our own understanding of poetry.

So with poetry being difficult because of what we go in feeling, I thought: How can I, as an educator, get students to recognize that they've built this knowledge wall? And even more importantly, how can we together overcome it?

It struck me that humor often catches people off guard and makes them open up. This is a method I have used in other jobs as well but simply had not related it to education.The assignment we were writing was a two-sided poem. I picked a funny (to me) poem "Did I miss anything" as an example. We were working on hyperbole and each side of the poem needed to be an extreme side of the argument. Students needed another example, but even more so,  they needed to see me work through one aloud so they could see that it could be done. I asked for an example of an interesting conversation. Someone said, "Bill collector?"

It was on. I only got 2-3 stanzas out before none of us could contain our laughter and they were stoked to create their own. The part really got us all was when I said, "But I can't afford ten thousand million dollars! I can't even afford a single dollar .. I live in a refrigerator box and that's only because I upgraded last year." I love hyperbole. The kids' poems were amazing: sharks threatening scuba trips, aliens invading, dogs talking. It was awesome. Here's a link to a blog I follow discussing humor in the classroom.

http://edtheory.blogspot.com/?m=1

Core IV | Reflection 1 | Parental involvement in the classroom.

Involving parents in the education of our students is vital. We have all heard it, "Their parents don't care." How is that possible? We have all had the case of the parent who doesn't return our MT's calls and doesn't really seem to engage with class.

Samway and McKeon challenge the ideas that teachers have regarding parental involvement and offers real ideas about how to include those parents particularly dealing with a language barrier. "Much of the discussion so far assumes an acceptance of the status quo with regard to how parents are judged to be involved, and this reality has been challenged by some researchers and educators." In thinking about these words and the difficulty it is to raise children even English speaking ones, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to raise children in an ELL household and then to be judged by the student's teachers about how successful or not successful I am in supporting their education. By placing myself in the shoes of these parents, I feel there is little gained by judging parents of my students.

As a student teacher who works and cares for a family of three, I know first hand how easy it is to miss a conference. Recently, I missed my daughter's gifted IEP meeting because they only offer those during school hours. During school hours, I am at school. After a barrage of emails both ways, it was determined that they would hold the IEP without a parent and that I would get filled in afterwards. If I had been in the same position but unable to communicate what I wanted to be added and axed from this IEP, I would have been out of the process entirely.

This in mind, as a teacher, I'm going to have to be diligent in my efforts to communicate with my students' parents. There is no doubt that some parents do not have the time, availability, resources, and knowledge to advocate for their children. That's why we're here. I think opening up a line of communication is vital to create a healthy and happy school life for students.























Samway, Katherine Davies and Denise McKeon. Myths and Realities: Best Practices for English Language Learners. 2nd ed. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 2007.